I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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