JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
