dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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