He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
