You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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