I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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