I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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