I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
