gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
