I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
