so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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