I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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