I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
