I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
