I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
