Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
