He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
