i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
