That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
