Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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