it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
