So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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