Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize