She is in my trunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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