He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
