Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
