Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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