My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize