Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
