So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
