I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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