Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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