I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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