dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
