Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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