About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize