whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
