He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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