tell your sister to shave her snatch
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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