Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
