You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
