I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
