Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
