I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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