She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
