dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
