New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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