I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
