i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
