its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
