I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
