margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
