The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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