am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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