I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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