tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
