I wish my penis had an off switch
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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