i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
