i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
