I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it's great music for shaving your balls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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