Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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