first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
