She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
