Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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