She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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