honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
