My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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