Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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