If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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