I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize