my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
