You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
