Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
