we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
